House of Usher (2006)

Potentially a reboot of the classic Vincent Price/Roger Corman film, or else a modern day adaptation of the Poe story, House of Usher doesn't really do a whole lot outside of its pretty cinematography to entice the viewer into watching.

If you're familiar with the story, you'll essentially know what's going on. Jillian, a massage therapist, drops everything when she hears that her best friend, Madeleine Usher, has passed away from a mysterious illness. She drives to the Usher family estate for the funeral, and ends up reconnecting with Madeleine's brother, Roderick (given the shorter, sportier nickname Rick), who is her ex. So, yeah, a few changes to the short story, and that's only a few.

But the majority of the film encompasses Jill and Rick debating their hot and cold relationship (usually in soft whispering voices that almost make it seem like the actors weren't really sure how to approach the material), Jill whining about Rick keeping secrets, and, well, more slow dialogue. Jill does get fleeting glimpses of Maddie throughout the house, but that's all they ever measure up to be as the maid (played by Beth Grant, who's characters are usually a little kookier and more fun than the tight-lipped, sour faced woman she's called upon to be here) is ever present to stop her from lingering too far.

You can tell something weird is up when Rick spends most of his time either a) writing an atrocious sounding novel that I'm sure is supposed to be reflective of Poe himself but sounds a bit more like bad 8th grade poetry or b) sexing Jill up under the pretense of "needing comfort" after his sister's death. I guess sex is the only thing guys can think about after all? Once Jill ends up pregnant (apparently Rick's endgame), all the family skeletons come out of the closet and the dastardly truth of calling Jill to the homestead comes to light.

Overall, I'd skip this film and watch the Vincent Price version where the characters are brought to life much more vividly and the back story in it isn't as slimy. Certain additions to the film really turned me off to it, including Jill's pregnancy and other facts that I won't disclose here if you still feel inclined to check this thing out. I'm usually down for anything Poe related, but this was a real bummer.