What It's About: When average-guy Jeff learns he's related to world-famous "weird fiction" writer H.P. Lovecraft -- and that he's the very last leaf on the Lovecraft family tree -- he gets drawn into a plot to keep an ancient artifact out of alien hands. If he fails, the nefarious Starspawn could harness the relic's power to summon the alien god Cthulhu. And if that happens, the whole universe is at risk.
Review: Lovecraft's stories are terrific fodder for horror films - the purple prose is rich with horrific descriptions of alien beings that would tear a mortal's mind asunder with just their mere presence. However, The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulu is not really that film. It's a horror comedy that revolves around a trio of geeks, one of whom happens to be the last living descendant of Lovecraft himself (despite the fact that Lovecraft never had any kids - shhh, it's a secret!). We are introduced to Jeff and Charlie, two working stiffs who have been friends since they were young. Jeff is oblivious to women, while Charlie is far too involved with his various action figures. Into their hum-drum lives comes crashing the Council of Cthulu, who need to hand over one half of a precious relic that could be used to summon the octopus-faced deity from the watery depths. They just have to keep it away from the Cult of Cthulu, who have the other half and wish to summon their terrible master so that he might once again rule over the planet.
Council...Cult...Confused yet?
The main failing points of this film are the script, which feels adlibbed most of the time (which is usually good for comedy - if the actors are good at comedy, which these guys kind of aren't), and the somewhat meandering plot, which basically feels like they were stringing this along as they went. There are definitely a few parts that hit home in terms of funny (for example, a lung fish man getting stuck to a car - the practical effects are great!), but for the rest of the time you're left sitting there, waiting for something to happen that will have you cracking up. The film uses cartoon imagery to add backstory for the plot, explaining for any lay viewers just who Lovecraft and Cthulu are (which ends up making the stories look as ludicrous as they seem) and how all of this story figures together. Essentially, Cthulu is the big bad looking to rise from his watery depths, but the cult needs both halves of the relic to do this. Why they want to resurrect them is a mystery to me, because all of the humans who worship him end up getting eaten or...well, worse.
Fish rape. It's not something you're likely to forget.
Charlie suggests that they go see an old high school friend as the next step after gaining the relic half. The third member of the trio is Paul, who lives, breathes, eats, and quite possibly attempts to shit anything and everything related to Cthulu. I mean, just look at his entrance into the film:
Yeah, geek alert. At least Jeff and Charlie are able to pull off the outer appearance of normalcy. But, hey, whatever works for Paul. He definitely reminded me of Allan from The Hangover films, albeit a little more socially adapted. He directs them toward Captain Olaf, who is touted as a survivor of a Deep One attack. Once they gather supplies and go over some rudimentary training (which involves hitting each other with pool noodles), they set out for Olaf's desert retreat. The relationship between the guys is pretty good - awkward, but definitely falling in the buddy category. There are quite a few awkward moments and of course the gay card is played for laughs at a juncture or two, which I personally knock the film for. There's lots of other things that could be done for comedy rather than revisiting that old trope. The bromance between Charlie and Paul is pretty genuine, though, and something I wished they'd spent a little more time with since it generates quite a few good moments (though also a majority of the 'gay' ones too).
Once the film reaches the climax, things start getting a little haywire. Just as they have been for the majority of the film, the guys make decisions on a moment-by-moment basis, which really makes me wonder if men truly plan like this in real life. Does no one think ahead? I understand that there's a ticking timebomb element and that they're being pursued by great, cosmic, insanity inducing beings, but... Ah well, I'm obviously just over examining this fish. Olaf is an interesting addition to the team, and fills the boys in on some of the less savory things that the Deep Ones like to do to humans in rather lurid detail. All of them make their last stand at the RV, deciding the world's fate - will they manage to stop Starspawn and the summoning of Cthulu, or will the world be fish raped? In these guys' hands, it really doesn't look like it's going to be a good outcome, but the ending is hardly surprising. Overall, the film is a fun hour, though I wouldn't watch it again. A lot of polish could make this film something akin to Shaun of the Dead in terms of appeal, but it's just lacking that comedic timing that would really make the film snap together.
Anyway, just remember, Cthulu fhtagn!
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