Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)

What it's about: In this eighth installment of Clive Barker's film franchise, a group of Internet enthusiasts get sucked into a video game and soon score an invite to an exclusive and mysterious gathering, where the lines between cyberlife and reality are blurred. But when the soiree starts, the computer whizzes realize their host is none other than the maniacal Pinhead (Doug Bradley). And unfortunately for them, he knows how to throw a killer party.

Review: The description of this film is pretty misleading -- yes, Doug Bradley/Pinhead does make an appearance, along with an entourage of cenobites, but there is nothing else that would tie this film to the Hellraiser franchise. In essence H: Hellworld is more of a typical slasher with your typical cast of characters, all being picked off one by one for some heinous action in the past. So, it's like someone tried to paste Hellraiser over I Know What You Did Last Summer. Overall it makes for a film that is semi-interesting, but ultimately falls flat.

And not the fun kind!

Kindred: The Embraced (1996)

Vampire the Masquerade is something that's known to weird kids and tabletop players. It's a pen and paper game that was spawned from White Wolf's "World of Darkness" series. From its storylines came many novels, graphic novels, two video games, and even a television series.

Kindred: The Embraced followed the trials and tribulations of Ventrue Julian Luna, Prince of San Francisco. But see, right there is where you can get tripped up pretty easily -- just because he's a Prince doesn't mean he's royalty. This was one of the trickier parts of the first episode, and potentially an obstacle for the whole series if it had continued past the seven episodes originally aired. VtM has several clans that all fall into three main groups: Camarilla, Sabbat, and non-aligned. Thankfully, the show stuck to mainly Camarilla clans to keep things a little more simple, but they did alter a few other aspects (like letting vampires who had recently fed walk in the sunlight).

Daedalus looks to sink a little fang.

Though kind of cheesy and with hokey make-up (looking at you, Nosferatu), the show honestly had some real promise. Mark Funkel, the actor who played Julian, was a sympathetic character as we go through the loss of his maker with him, the romance with a human reporter and the desire to protect his niece, both before and after she becomes a vampire. The show was also populated with other fun characters, like Cash, the sullen and withdrawn leader of the Gangrel and who was also Julian's enforcer, and the arrogant and Frustrating Eddie Fiori, leader of the obnoxious Brujah clan.

Sascha and Cash, the star-crossed lovers; a necessity for any show.

Overall, the show is best compared to a mafia movie, which isn't a bad comparison for the game in itself. The clans aren't necessarily families, but blood is thicker than water and if you slight someone's maker, you're bound to end up on the wrong side of a stake. I would have loved to see this show flower a little more, especially if it ended up including my favorite children of Malkav, but there's a strong possibility that that could have gone very fishmalk as well.

The Moth Diaries (2011)

What it’s about: Rebecca is suspicious of Ernessa, the new arrival at her boarding school. But is Rebecca just jealous of Ernessa's bond with Lucie, or does the new girl truly possess a dark secret?

Review: The Moth Diaries is pretty easily comparable to Sheridan La Fanu’s “Carmilla,” in the idea of a supernatural female entity preying on a younger female. It’s an adaptation of a book of the same name – I haven’t read the book so I can’t compare the two, but the film intrigued me for its comparisons to the Fanu story. “Carmilla” is a classic in vampire literature and I was interested to see how it might be spun into this new story. Unfortunately, the film falls pretty low on the scale of, well, anything. Maybe only Twilight is worse.

Sit down before you get too excited.

Saturday Horror Short #12

Tumblr is a pretty great place to find really odd things, and that's where I discovered this delightful little short about one of my favorite rides at Disneyland. Missing in the Mansion is about a marriage proposal that goes horribly wrong. To tell you anything further would spoil the fun!

The Vampire Tapestry, Suzy McKee Charnas (1980)

The Vampire Tapestry is an interesting and unconventional vampire story. It unfolds over three acts, and only in the last do we actually hear from the vampire himself.

In the first third of the book, things are told through an old woman’s eyes. Katje de Groot is the widow of a staff member at the same college that Dr. Edward Leyland works at. For the most part, the vampire (Leyland) at this part of the novel is nothing more than a tick and the main reason why why obviously don’t see things from his point of view is because there wouldn’t be a whole lot to talk about. Leyland is basically a cold reptile, so self-assured that nothing can touch him that Katje gets entirely inside his guard. She’s not just any old woman – she and her husband are from “the dark continent,” and she knows how to handle a gun. Her shooting of Leyland actually springboards us into the second act, and shows us how Leyland survives from one generation to the next.

Unlike most conventional vampires, who are typically created with a bite and some blood, Leyland claims that he was biologically grown alongside humans and is therefore their natural predator. The way that he even ingests blood is unique – rather than biting his victim with two razor-sharp teeth, there is a needle that grows out from under his tongue and creates a gentle hole in the neck for him to suckle from. When not being used, it neatly tucks back under his tongue where it remains unnoticed and, quite frankly, makes far more sense in terms of evolution rather than two large, overbearing and pretty much useless fangs that would probably end up losing more blood than anything.

The second act of the book is broken up between two people – the first is a young boy, the brother of the man who takes Leyland hostage, and the other is a psychologist that Leyland tries to use to reestablish himself as a credible professor. The more interesting of the two is the psychologist, simply because we get a nice, good look into Leyland’s head in terms of how he views his food. The thing about The Vampire Tapestry is that rather than starting out with a sympathetic vampire who is conflicted about who he bits, we see how the monster operates without a conscience. Slowly, though, he grows one as he interacts more and more with his “food,” eventually forcing himself into the role of the romantic blood sucker that we’re all so familiar with.

Overall the deconstruction of the villain into something of an anti-hero is the fun part about this book, even though it can take a little while to get there. In the end, The Vampire Tapestry is really a must read on any horrorophile’s list.